Joy Perrino Choquette
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Business Samples

"Why would I need a writer to help me? I can create my own business materials easily enough."

While it's true that more and more business materials can be created by just about anyone with a computer and printer, there are certain things to consider when looking at your company's promotional product needs.
  • Professionalism. A professional writer spends her days writing. She is well-versed in keywords and phrases which can help or hinder a business. A professional writer, of course, utilizes good grammar and spelling, but more than that they create "word art". They can write compelling, interesting copy that is not only read but also creates visual imagery.
  • Peace of Mind. As a business owner, you are probably used to wearing many hats: CEO, project manager, human resource assistant, payroll manager, and more. Only by delegating out tasks will you be able to free up time and energy to focus on the other 10 hats you have to wear.
  • Promptness. "Oh, I'll get to that . . . someday." Allowing a professional writer to take over the task of collecting and organizing information and presenting it in a clear and concise way allows you to focus on the rest of your overflowing inbox. Prompt, efficient service is essential and should be expected of any professional writer.

Here is a “before and after” writing sample. I’ve extracted the following text word for word from a Web page which will remain nameless.

 

ORIGINAL TEXT

 

“XXX pool cleaner is the way to go when it comes to choosing the best pool cleaner available in the industry of pool cleaners. Warranties come aplenty in many distributors of this tried and tested brand. Some warranties even last up to three years and prices vary depending on the distrbutor and shipping costs it will entail. Be vary wary and don't just content yourself with the price given on a single place. Make sure you have exhausted all means to check out which is the true bargain among the host of swimming pool cleaner distributors online and offline.

 

True to its name, XXX pool cleaners barely have a hard time navigating through the waters and sweeping it clean. It's like a cross between a vacuum and a super broom. Better than a broom in the sense that it can climb up walls up to the water lines. Remote controls are extra bonuses for some models, if you are willing to pay the extra cash it requires.”

 

There are several things wrong with the text above, including some basic spelling and grammar errors. Besides those, the text is cumbersome and awkward. There is also too much of it. In fact, the text continues on for another five paragraphs, as though the first two weren’t painful enough! Below is my revision. Can you see how much more effective tight, clean copy can be? 

 

REVISED TEXT

 

Be honest. How often do you choose a pool cleaning product because of its warranty? Do you snap up the first cleaner that sounds halfway decent because you don’t want to waste time looking for the best deal? XXX Pool Cleaner is the solution. It can easily be found both on and offline, and is one of the few pool cleaners which comes with a full warranty.

 

This powerful cleaning tool is a cross between a strong vacuum and powerful broom, moving easily through pool water and navigating even hard to reach places like around water lines. Remote control options are available for the XXX Pool Cleaner, if more convenience is something you are looking for. With either the manual or remote cleaner, the full warranty makes your purchase worry-free.

 

Below are a few samples of some finished products.
Click image for sample in PDF format

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